Who Checks on the Strong One? Making Space for the People Everyone Relies On
The people everyone relies on need checking on, too. Being dependable does not mean someone has unlimited emotional capacity or that they will always say when they are struggling.
In families and communities, certain people become the ones others call when something goes wrong. They listen, organise, care for family and help solve problems. Their reliability can make it easy to overlook what they may be carrying themselves.
For Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities, suicide prevention needs to recognise the broader picture of social and emotional wellbeing. Wellbeing can be connected with family and kin, community, culture, Country, spirituality, mind and body. Support needs to consider both the person’s experiences and the relationships surrounding them.
People Who Support Others Can Need Support Too
A person can be capable, dependable and deeply valued while also experiencing grief, exhaustion, distress or overwhelming pressure.
They might be an Elder carrying community responsibilities, a parent everyone calls, a health worker supporting people through difficult experiences, a carer or the friend who is regularly there for others. Responsibilities can accumulate when one person becomes a consistent source of practical or emotional support.
Reliability can hide need because people often notice what a person continues to do, not what it costs them to keep doing it. Someone may continue working, look after family, and participate in the community while dealing with difficult experiences privately.
Waiting for an obvious sign that somebody is no longer coping can mean missing opportunities for earlier support.
A broader approach to mental health and suicide prevention support recognises connections between Aboriginal mental health, family, community, physical wellbeing, culture and spirituality. These relationships can influence what wellbeing and appropriate support look like for an individual.
The National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander suicide prevention Strategy 2025–2035 sets out a community-led approach to reducing suicide and self-harm. Developed in partnership with Gayaa Dhuwi (Proud Spirit) Australia, it places Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander leadership, governance and culturally safe responses at the centre of prevention.
This provides a useful principle for everyday relationships too: people should have opportunities for connection and support before difficulties become overwhelming.
Genuine Check-Ins Mean Noticing, Asking and Responding
A useful check-in has three parts: notice, ask and respond. Notice when somebody appears to be carrying a lot, ask a genuine question, then respond to what they actually say they need.
“How are you?” can easily become an automatic greeting. A more specific question may create room for a fuller response. You could say, “You’ve had a lot happening lately. How are you travelling?” or ask how things have been for them during the past week.
What happens after the question matters. Give the person time to answer and listen without immediately trying to solve the situation. Advice may not be what they need first. They may want to talk, spend time with somebody they trust or ask for help with a particular problem.
Practical support should respond to what the person says they need. That could mean sharing a task, providing transport, preparing a meal, accompanying them somewhere or helping them connect with suitable professional or cultural support.
If somebody talks about suicide or you are concerned about their immediate safety, the conversation requires a more direct response. Australian suicide prevention guidance advises that asking someone directly about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts or behaviour. Listening without judgement, taking the person seriously and helping them connect with appropriate professional or emergency support are appropriate next steps.
A check-in is not about becoming someone’s counsellor. It is about noticing, listening and recognising when additional help is needed.
Culturally Safe Suicide Prevention Recognises the Wider Wellbeing Picture
Social and emotional wellbeing for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples is holistic. Culture, family, kin, community and connection to Country can be part of understanding a person’s wellbeing and experience of distress.
The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare explains that suicide risk and protective factors among First Nations peoples are interconnected with historical experiences, community values and cultural beliefs. Prevention programs and policies, therefore, need to account for the circumstances in which people live and the cultural connections that can support wellbeing.
The Gayaa Dhuwi (Proud Spirit) Declaration Framework provides further direction. Its themes include cultural strength, best evidence, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander presence, and First Nations leadership and influence. These principles support a mental health system shaped by cultural safety and self-determination.
In practice, culturally safe support means recognising the person’s individual circumstances alongside the connections that matter to them. The right response will not look identical for everyone. Some people may draw strength from family, community, culture, country, or spirituality, and those connections should not be assumed or prescribed.
This wider perspective gives suicide prevention a purpose beyond responding to immediate distress. It also supports environments where people can maintain meaningful connections and seek appropriate care in ways that respect their circumstances and culture.
Families, Communities and Workplaces Can Look at Who Carries the Load
Supporting the person everyone relies on requires more than telling them to look after themselves. It also means examining how responsibilities are distributed around them.
In a family, one relative might gradually become responsible for appointments, caring duties, practical problems and difficult conversations. Asking that person to practise self-care does little to change the demands on their time if nobody else takes on part of the workload.
Within communities, the same principle can apply when certain people regularly provide practical or emotional support. Checking on them matters, but so does considering whether responsibilities can be shared in ways that respect their role and circumstances.
Workplaces need to consider the demands attached to caring roles as well. Staff working with people experiencing grief, trauma, distress or crisis may benefit from appropriate supervision, opportunities to debrief, manageable workloads and clear pathways to further support.
These measures make support part of ordinary practice instead of something introduced only after a worker becomes overwhelmed.
The most useful action still depends on the person. Asking, “What would make things easier this week?” can produce a clearer answer than a general offer to help. It also gives the person a say in what support looks like.
Conclusion
Being the person everyone relies on does not mean having unlimited capacity.
Effective suicide prevention includes noticing people whose reliability may make their own needs less visible. A practical approach is to notice, ask and respond: recognise when someone is carrying a lot, start a genuine conversation and act on what they say they need.
For Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, these responses sit within a broader understanding of social and emotional wellbeing that can include family, kin, community, culture, Country and spirituality.
Friends, relatives and colleagues are not expected to diagnose distress or replace trained health professionals. When suicide or immediate safety is involved, professional or emergency support may be needed.
Checking on the strong one also means looking at what they are carrying. The person who regularly makes space for everyone else deserves space to be heard, supported and relieved of some of the load.
