Invisible threads of trust: how do we build deep connections?

Some might say we live in a world where every interaction is a transaction, so forget about honesty and authenticity. Well, regardless of what you choose to believe in, a human is a social creature. Therefore, you can’t survive without a connection to another human being. 

And the thing that builds that connection is trust. But first, you have to build trust itself. Here is how to do it.

What is trust, really?

Trust is a belief in one’s reliability. Yeap, that short. It’s a belief that someone will show up, keep their word, and be a safe space when you need them to. In a trustful relationship, both people can be sincere, open minded, and vulnerable with one another. They also know that when things get uncertain, the connection won’t immediately fall apart.

What about ‘trust neuroscience’? 

On the level of neuroscience, trust is a blend of chemistry and positive interaction. A good interaction (let’s say you share a secret and a person you share it with gets vulnerable in turn) makes you feel safe and connected to the other. In turn, your body releases oxytocin, the ‘bonding hormone’ responsible for the feelings of closeness and emotional security. 

Trust also activates the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain, which is responsible for social judgement and decision-making. As positive interactions repeat (which you can track with Liven’s mental health mood tracker and learn more on what is liven), your brain starts to associate the whole relationship with safety, which, in turn, only increases trust. 

On the contrary, inconsistency in relationships triggers the brain's threat response, causing a hyper-vigilant state, and, obviously, the lack of trust.

How to build trust in relationships?

Here is a recipe for a relationship that can last years: take sincerity, add vulnerability, and cover it with reliability. Yeap, those are three ingredients that actually build trust. Here is how. 

#1: Say what you mean, and mean what you say

Sincerity is when you can state what you truly believe in and how you feel without being harsh, judgemental, or plainly rude. Let’s say your friend wants to party, but you feel drained. Sure, you can make abstract excuses or completely ignore their message, but that would be pretty damaging to your relationship. Instead of that, it’s better to tell them honestly something like, “Listen, I really want to support you, but I need a quiet night. Can we catch up one-on-one soon?”

How does this moment of sincerity build trust? Your friend learns that you’re emotionally transparent and predictable in the best way. So, there is no hidden agenda. 

How to cultivate sincerity in your relationships

• Express your real thoughts without sugarcoating. Speak with kindness and respect;

• Check your intentions every time you want to express a thought. Before you speak, ask yourself: Am I being genuine, or am I trying to impress, please, or manipulate?

• Don’t be passive-aggressive. If something bothers you, speak up without hints or sarcasm; 

• Give honest compliments. Forget about politeness or social expectations and praise people for what you actually value;

• Own your mistakes. It takes courage to sincerely apologize and admit that you’ve been wrong. So, learn the skill.

#2: Let others see the unfiltered you

You don’t need performance or perfectionism to build trust. We’re too scared to be vulnerable because in our imagination, it makes us feel weak. In reality, vulnerability is what makes us relatable. When you let others see your fears, flaws, or honest emotions, you invite them to do the same and feel less lonely. Because at the end of the day, we all want to be heard and seen. 

Let’s say your friend had a bad day and now they’re opening up to you about it. Don’t brush it off with a quick ‘fix’ advice. Instead, share your memory of a similar day, name the feeling, and empathize with them.

How to be more vulnerable

• Start small and safe. Share a little more than usual in low-risk situations. Had a bad job interview? Don’t be afraid to talk about how frustrated or upset you were;

• Name your emotions out loud. Don’t say ‘I’m fine’ if you’re actually not. Instead, share your feeling of overwhelm if that’s the case;

• There is no perfect delivery time with vulnerability. So, be real in the moment;

• Resist the urge to fix. When someone opens up to you, meet their openness with presence instead of solutions. Most of the time, we need someone who can listen rather than solve; 

• Accept the discomfort. Vulnerability can feel awkward or scary. Breathe through it. Over time, that’ll start feeling less intense. 

#3: Keep showing up

Trust falls apart fast when words and actions don’t align. However, a person learns that you’re reliable when you show them consistency in your actions and attitude, especially during times of adversity and uncertainty. 

Reliability builds trust because it proves that people can rely on you — not just once, but repeatedly. 

Let’s say you’ve promised to help your coworker with their big presentation because they felt overwhelmed with the whole task. Even though your own schedule is packed, you still make time to review their slides. And this shows them that your support isn’t conditional or performative. 

How to become a more reliable person

• Follow through on your promises. Keep your promises, even the smallest ones like replying to a text or showing up on time;

• Don’t overcommit. Be honest about what you can realistically handle and insert boundaries;

• Communicate delays or changes. If you can’t do something as planned, let the other person know;

• Make reliability part of your identity

• Ask yourself: Do people feel safe counting on me? Then cultivate choices that reflect the answer you want.

Final thoughts

You don’t build trust with grand gestures. Sure, it’s difficult to show up with sincerity, vulnerability, and reliability in a world where people often perform instead of relate. Regardless, it’s always about what you value and want your relationships to be. If you value depth over perfection and connection over convenience, then trust becomes your foundation.

You’ve got it! 🍀