How to Navigate Divorce Proceedings: A Must-Read for Every Family

Considering divorce?

You're not alone, but you may not know the most important part yet...

More than 2,400 families get divorced every day in the United States

It's more common than you think. So while it may feel deeply personal and isolating, there are actually simple steps to divorce proceedings every family should know that will move things along more smoothly, save you time and money, and even help protect your interests along the way.

The good news is that the overwhelming majority of divorces don't end up in front of a judge.

In fact, only 5% of divorces are litigated with the outcome determined by a judge in a courtroom. The other 95% get worked out between the parties (negotiation), a neutral third party (mediation) or collaboratively (collaborative divorce).

That’s why having a family law attorney on your side helps when trying to navigate through this difficult and emotional process.They can guide your family through proceedings in an efficient manner while also representing your best interests.

Must-Know Divorce Proceedings Topics for Families:

• Exploring Divorce Options

• Divorce Proceedings Costs Explained

• Child Custody & Support Considerations

• Timeline Expectations

• Action Steps for Smarter Decisions

Exploring Divorce Options

Did you know that not all divorces are the same?

You have choices, and picking the right track now could save you thousands and even months. Far too many people jump straight into litigation expecting a knock-down, drag-out fight with their spouse.

That's not what most divorces look like at all.

Uncontested vs. Contested

The one key factor that changes everyone's experience is whether you and your spouse can agree on major issues.

Uncontested divorces are finalized when both parties agree on things like property division, child custody, and spousal support (if applicable) and debt allocation.

These take less time and cost much less money - we're talking about a few months vs. years.

Contested divorces involve disagreements on one or more key points. That's where things can get expensive...

It's estimated that the average contested divorce ends up costing anywhere from $15,000 to $20,000 or more, depending on how many fights your family ends up having. Cases with several disputed issues can drag on for 16 months or more and approach $100,000 or more in total cost.

The Rise of ADR

Intelligent families today are turning to mediation and collaborative divorce more and more.

Why? Because it works.

81.6% of all divorces were resolved by mutual agreement in 2023, according to recent statistics. Just 18.4% of divorces were actually contested in family court.

The lesson: Even if you don't see eye to eye on everything, there's a very good chance you and your spouse can work something out without going to war.

Divorce Proceedings Costs Explained

Okay, now let's talk money...

Because this isn't just an emotionally expensive life change - it's a financial one too.

Average Cost Breakdown

Here's what the reality looks like:

• $4,100 in attorney fees for cases with no contested issues

• $10,400 in attorney fees for issues resolved outside of court

• $17,700+ in attorney fees for cases going to trial and beyond

That's just lawyer fees. Add in court costs, expert witnesses, real estate appraisals, psychological evaluations, and more and you're getting to the total $15,000-$20,000 range for the average case.

Expectations vs. Reality

It doesn't end there.

Another key area that most people get wrong: How long all this actually takes. Surprise - the more fights you and your spouse have the longer everything drags out.

The average divorce filing goes like this:

Contested cases:

• One issue in dispute: 12 months average

• Multiple contested issues: 16+ months average

• Complex cases: Years, in some cases

Uncontested cases usually take much less time, often 6-12 months depending on your state's specific requirements.

Bottom line: The more you can resolve outside of formal legal processes, the less time and money it will cost your family.

Child Custody & Support Considerations

Kids always change the equation.

Here's what the data shows:

51% of custodial parents were awarded primary custody to mothers by agreement of parents and court. 40% of U.S. states are moving toward shared physical custody.

Custody Bias Myths

Courts can be biased toward mothers in making decisions, but only in cases where one parent is much more involved than the other. Modern family courts look at best interests of the child, primary caretaker, stability of living situations, co-parenting ability, and even child's preferences in some cases.

Family Finances Before and After

Wait for it...

Get ready for the reality check...

Households with children that were not poor before divorce have their incomes drop by as much as 50% because of the split. 46% of divorcing parents with children become poor or low-income earners.

Planning helps. Understanding child support, health insurance continuation, college expenses, and more ahead of time allows you to make smarter decisions at the negotiation table.

Timeline Expectations

So how long does a divorce really take?

It's the question everyone asks. And yes, the answer really depends on many factors, some of which are entirely within your control.

Different states have different timelines from 30 days to 6 months, not including residency requirements that can last 3-12 months on top of that.

Speeding it up: Organization of paperwork, keeping the lines of communication open, realistic expectations of both parties, and professional guidance from knowledgeable divorce attorneys with experience in your local courts.

Action Steps for Smarter Decisions

Okay, so here's your roadmap...

If you follow these steps in order, you can sidestep most of the common pitfalls that slow down proceedings and cause unnecessary cost and stress to your family.

Step 1: Know Your Finances

Collect tax returns for the past 3 years, get accounts and debt listed, property values appraised, insurance policies understood, etc.

Step 2: Learn the Law in Your State

Understand equitable division of property, alimony laws and guidelines, child support formulas, and custody considerations relevant to where you live.

Step 3: Consider All Options

Don't default to court. Mediation, collaborative divorce, arbitration, and traditional litigation can be used in that order as situations dictate.

Step 4: Put Kids First

Shield them from adult issues, keep routines, think about family therapy, and never use kids as go-betweens or messengers.

Step 5: Build Your Team

Lawyer, financial advisor, tax pro, therapist, and perhaps other specialists if kids are involved.

Securing Your Family's Future

One last stat to know: Women file for divorce in 66% of proceedings. In some years and places, that's as high as 75%.

Divorce is a very human process that most people going through have made the painful decision that staying married is no longer the best choice.

Now your job is to do the next right thing as often as possible.

The families that make it through to the other side with their lives in tact recognize that it's a business transaction that must be handled in a professional way, not an all-out war.

That's not to say you ignore your emotions, but instead focus them productively on building a new life for your family instead of fighting battles from your past together.

That takes skill and knowledge of your options. With the right guidance and realistic expectations of what divorce can deliver for your family, you can come out of proceedings on the other side with your foundation for the future in tact.

This isn't easy, but it's temporary. The decisions you make now will shape your family's life for years to come.

Make them count.

Charting Your Path Forward

Divorce is one of the most stressful and life-changing events you'll ever go through, and for many people, it happens more than once.

Families who approach it smartly realize that you don't have to be a victim of your divorce proceedings.

With 3.8 million family law cases in state courts every year in the U.S., there are well-worn paths. Most families going through this process find a way to work things out without setting foot in a courtroom.

Your Next Move?

Take control of this process instead of the other way around. Learn what options are available, gather information in advance, and start building the team you'll need to help your family.

Because at the end of the day, planning and professional guidance make all the difference.